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Archive for the ‘street children’ Category

Wandering Hearts

Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from the book Wandering Hearts

by Donna J. Grisanti

Published by Phoenix Publishing Corp.; August 2006;$14.95US; 978-0970886095

Copyright © 2006 Phoenix Publishing Corp.

1

Raine Foster knew with certainty that she’d have to leave her home that hot, wet spring when Nanny Vi started talking to the dolls. Through tears, Raine contemplated what to do as she watched the bright pink glow of the day-ending washboard sky. The Fosters’ farmhouse was falling down around Raine and her grandmother’s increasingly oblivious head.

Raine looked down at her rough, chapped hands, praying that the fluffy, pink cotton candy wisps in the sky wouldn’t become gray and threatening. All too frequent leaden skies poured our constant pinging rivulets that kept Raine running inside the house from bucket to rusty farm pail and then to the abandoned horse troughs she’d dragged from the rotting barn. If her prayers that the floors would stop buckling and no more leaks would spring from the Swiss cheese-like roof over their heads weren’t answered, she feared the second floor of the house would fall down and kill them in their beds.

People said Raine should leave the place and get started on her own life, even in this Depression time. Back tax vultures were circling the land in this backwater place, they said. The assessor’s rolltop desk was littered with tax notices, and no one in this generation had the money to pay anything at all to save long-held family properties. The landscape was riddled with broken dreams and lost fortunes big and small, like theirs, and in most folks’ estimation, the only way out was for Raine to leave or to marry. She had no money to leave, at least not enough to buy a nice seat on the train that stopped at Clinforks. So “starve here or marry” was the solemn advice of the old men in the few creaking rockers and barrel stools on the sagging front porch of Vitman’s general store, post office, and cotton-gin office.

Almost halfway into 1941 in Bridgeville, the old men in town had nothing better to do than come each weekday and Saturday morning in their clean but raggedy clothes to rock on the store porch in creaking comfort. They sat their days away, keeping the clerk, postmaster, and fix-it man company while watching people try to stretch their pay for supplies. The hard work of seeing folks trying to scrape a few pennies together to keep meals on the table tired them out. Things had been bad in Bridgeville for as long as anyone could remember. The Foster place, Raine’s home, seemed next on the long list of failures that didn’t show any sign of ending, the wrinkle-faced elders would say as they chewed on the ends of their empty pipes.

The porch elders were in a cantankerous mood, not being able to taste, or at least smell, the ripe fragrance of burning tobacco. It made the old gentlemen a bit irritable to be denied the luxury of pipe or chewing tobacco because there was no more money, either in their pockets or their family’s coffers. Their fading hearing longed for the deep-pocket snap of the round tins holding the golden or tarry shaved leaves. Sometimes they would lift their worn-out bodies from the porch rockers and circle the front of the cash register, praying that the air currents would bring a few fragrant whiffs from the glass sanctuary where Vitman kept the tobacco products lined up in gleaming tins and pouches, so near and yet so far from their lips, mouths, and pipe bowls.

“We might be in luck, boys,” Earll Miller said as he moved the end of his empty pipe from one moist corner of his mouth to the other. “Hear from Vestell Wright that Mr. Emil Vitman’s going to the Fosters’ place tomorrow.” He held off a second to make sure everyone was listening to his juicy piece of gossip concerning the tall, square-jawed owner of most of the businesses in their small town. If Earll had it right, he would be the purveyor of something to keep people talking for weeks far beyond the buckling boards of the general store’s porch.

One thing everybody already knew was that Emil Vitman was a mostly sour, spoiled-by-riches man past thirty. Earll sat forward in the best of the ancient rockers, made eye contact with each of the other four old men sitting with him, and said in a low voice, “Looks like there’s something important going on.” He knew he had them all interested, as each of his compatriots sat up and strained to hear every word. Earll shook his head solemnly, imitating the style of the circuit preacher who came every fourth week to the church down the dirt path called Pine Road.

Earll had gotten this important information from Vestell Wright, the plump widow who had been the Vitman cook and housekeeper since her husband died of rheumatism five years earlier. “Seems young Vitman’s going to take himself a wife.”

Earll seemed pleased with the bug-eyed reception his news engendered in his front porch cronies. He was especially satisfied with Pete Fisher’s reaction. When old Pete reached for his knees with both hands, stretched his neck as if he’d stopped breathing for a few seconds, and then let all the air out in his wheezy lungs, Earll knew the news he was spreading was having its desired effect.

“Yessir, Vitman and Raine Foster,” Earll said with authority, as if he could afford to buy the local paper and was reading from the four-page weekly Bridgeville Gazette. “Perhaps we’ll have a good meal and a better smoke when we attend the nuptials.” The men’s mouths watered at the thought of the taste of cigars and good-grade tobacco curling from their pipes.

Brady Fell, the Vitmans’ fix-it man, wasn’t so pleased by the news. Eavesdropping might be unmannerly, but it was necessary in this case, he thought. If his seventeen years as a Vitman employee were any indication, being Vitman’s wife might save Raine Foster from starving, but there were other things to consider, like the cruelties of his wealthy and powerful boss, which Brady and everyone else in town had witnessed.

Brady shook his head in disgust. He needed this menial job and needed to mind his own business. It was the only thing that had kept him, his wife, and their three children going since the accident at the Vitman cotton mill had cost him six broken ribs, a bum leg, and the loss of the family farm during his long convalescence. The farm deed belonged to Vitman now, and Brady and his family were allowed to stay there on that mean man’s whim. If he butted his nose into this situation about Vitman and Raine Foster, he and his family could be out on the dirt road without a house or a job before nightfall.

Although Brady was anxiously waiting for his oldest, Imogene, to get herself a husband and give him one less mouth to feed, his conscience got hold of him. Even if it meant another ten years of watering down the gravy and eating more week-old biscuits saved from the Vitman store trash, he’d rather risk homelessness then have Raine Foster marry his boss. Trying to make sense of Emil Vitman’s thundering moods, which changed more frequently than the hairstyle posters in the window of Miss Clover’s Wash and Curl Hair Salon down the street, would likely kill any woman. Not only that, but Vitman was also known for adding physical violence to the quicksilver mix. Vitman saved himself from the consequences of his irrational deeds by using his power and money to tidy up every mess.

Brady thought things over again. He was bone tired this Wednesday afternoon and hadn’t wanted to do one more thing than his work chores. This information changed his mind. He’d have to be late for supper and warn Miss Raine that the devil, in the form of Mr. Vitman, was coming to call.

To keep them going, Raine worked in the vegetable and flower patch and sold the flowers and produce at her makeshift roadside stand. To quiet Nanny Vi while she worked, Raine set the remaining dolls from the dwindling family collection on small wooden chairs in a tea party semicircle around her now frail, wispy-haired grandmother.

No matter how hard Raine tried to prevent it, when she combed her grandmother’s once thick brown hair, the now fine, downy edges of the greatly thinned mass laced with steel gray strands would start to slip from the tight bun at Nanny Vi’s neck. Raine wondered if her own thick auburn tresses, which were curly at the root and wavy at the long ends, would look the same if she lived as long as Nanny Vi. She now fixed her hair in the same tight knot at the back of her own head because there was no time to mess with it. Lots of things were gone, like real tea parties and loose tresses catching in the sweat of her face as she worked in the vegetable and flower garden.

Her grandmother hadn’t been out of the house in several weeks. On their last trip to Bridgeville for flour and lard, Nanny Vi had started talking to dead people again as if they were still alive. Raine decided she couldn’t allow her grandmother to be exposed to the sad, questioning eyes that remembered a different Vidalia Foster, the strong horsewoman and doll maker who was now a frail woman talking nonsense. Raine had to lock the outside doors and push the furniture to block interior access to the dangerous, uninhabitable second floor of the house when Nanny Vi was in a wandering mood.

There was also a debt to pay Brady. When she saw him on the last trip, Brady had told her, “I gave your grandmother a three-cent stamp. Paid for it myself.” He’d watched Nanny Vi place a packet of papers in the mailbox at the general store while Raine was putting the parcels in the mule cart. Raine still hadn’t figured out how Nanny Vi had gotten to the notepaper or managed to hide the envelope. She’d have to apologize to the postmaster if he discovered her grandmother’s gibberish in with the rest of the mail. The last time she’d been in town, he was in bed with a mustard plaster and hot lemonade and whiskey, fighting a cold well away from the post office. The apology to the postmaster could wait, but when she went to general store at the end of the week, she was going to give Brady the three pennies she’d scraped together. Mrs. Simpson would be paying her tomorrow.

The wasted money wasn’t the only thing. Neither Raine nor Nanny Vi had worked in the doll making business for more than a year. There was neither a market for the expensive porcelain dolls, nor the money to buy the intricate parts for the fragile beauties, their ornate clothes, or the expensive rocking eyes that opened when the dolls were upright and closed when the dolls slumbered in their bed. There was nothing else left to sell at the Foster place to buy the doll parts. All the money they had went for food and necessities. The old mule was the only stock left in the barns, as well as the only thing they were still able to feed besides themselves.

Nanny Vi and Raine had tried to keep the doll making tradition going with cloth dolls and even corn husk dolls. They sold only a few because people could make them from their own scraps and fields. Then Nanny Vi got sick. The only dolls they made now were for people with no money who needed dolls for gifts and holidays. Raine kept her hope and talent alive by collecting the best of the scratchy corn husks and the faded cloth pieces that were too small for her neighbors’ quilts.

Raine wondered how long they’d last this way. As if the house falling down around them weren’t enough, a few weeks earlier Nanny Vi had started chatting with two invisible people. The old woman called to them restively day and night. “Where are you, Ben?” she’d call. “Are you going to come in here soon, Charlotte?” Raine didn’t want to do it, thinking that giving in to her grandmother’s demands weakened the woman’s faltering grasp on reality, but finally she fashioned two more dolls to represent these unknown people. No matter how many times Raine tried to ask her grandmother about them, Nanny Vi wouldn’t say that Raine had never known a Charlotte and Ben.

The young woman had learned a hard lesson in keeping the peace. The last time Raine had tried to tell her grandmother that Raine’s parents, as well as Nanny Vi’s husband and parents, were all buried on the small sloped hill at the edge of their property, Nanny Vi had left the house. While Raine was working in the vegetable garden, Nanny Vi wandered two farms over calling for her husband, who she thought had gone over to the Nelson farm to sharpen his garden tools on the sharpening stone that Raine and everyone else in the neighborhood knew had been sold two years ago in the property sale after Ella Nelson died. Mr. Nelson had died five years earlier, and nothing was going to get sharpened that day except the gossips’ tongues as they passed along this sad tale about Nanny Vi and her out-of-her-head wanderings.

Raine never again wanted to feel that pressure in her chest or cry out in terror as she had after her grandmother’s irrational flight from the house. So she kept her peace and her information to herself while hushing her grandmother and working on creating Charlotte and Ben dolls from wood and cloth. Then after they’d had their late lunch and a trip to the outhouse, she dutifully placed them in the doll circle around her grandmother’s rickety upholstered chair. Raine lifted her eyebrows in frustration, but said nothing.

Suddenly Raine heard a noise. There was someone at the vegetable stand. Bridey Taylor had told her she would come by to get cabbages after she’d dropped off the laundry at Judge Marshall’s house.

After she paid the nickel for several large heads, Bridey rubbed her chafed hands. “I wish the Judge didn’t want so much starch in his shirts,” she said. “I can’t understand how the stiffness can give me such a rash and the Judge’s neck still stay as smooth as baby’s bottom.”

Raine gave her a dollop of udder cream on a piece of brown paper tied in a rag.

“Thank you,” Bridey said. “I need to get home to my laundry, but you know I wish I’d had the time to listen to the old men at the general store. Might’ve had some news to share.” She looked in her bag. “They seemed mighty interested in some tale or another.” She recalled the men sitting around the general store when she went to get more starch powder. “Earll Miller and his boys all seemed like cats that had swallowed canaries, sure enough. If I wasn’t so tired, I’d have asked them what was up. Even looked at my skirt hem to see if my slip was showing, they looked so beady-eyed.”

Concentrating on her next chore, Raine began to empty and carry the last of the ragtag collection of buckets, pails, and cans to her garden of water collected from the holes in the roof, which sat under the partial protection of a stately oak. The tree took the brunt of the hot sun and showers, protecting the fragile garden stems. Raine had taken a chance planting a few rows of corn earlier than usual, and the stalks had withstood the early heat and all the rain. She hoped these would bring her some extra money as well.

As Raine was considering which spring flowers would make a nice bouquet for Mrs. Simpson’s dinner table, she heard a familiar voice whisper from the bushes, “Miss Raine, I got to talk to you.”

“Brady? What you doing in the bushes?” Raine asked in an amused tone.

“Don’t say my name again, and keep doing what you’re doing. This is important!” Brady replied in a harsh whisper. Raine was confused, but she tried not to be stiff and unnatural as she concentrated on the flowers.

“I’m taking some flowers to the Simpsons’ tomorrow,” was all she could think to say.

“I can’t stay long, but there’s some bad news.” Brady gulped. He didn’t know how to say it, but knowing that Miss Raine was his friend and that she needed to know, he kept going anyway. “Earll Miller said his lady friend, Vestell Wright, told him Mr. Vitman is coming over to ask you to be his bride.”

Raine stood up straight like someone had struck her full force in the back. The flowers she looked at became hazy and then came back into focus. She grabbed her waist with her hands as if she were protecting herself from a sudden icy cold. “You sure?”

“Miss Raine, you know me better. I wouldn’t tell you no lie or risk being fired from my job for no foolishness,” Brady replied, still fidgeting in his bent-leg position, making sure he had his one good foot on the ground in case anyone had followed him from the general store. Mr. Vitman had plenty of spies down at the cotton gin, paid to do anything. A running start was all he asked if he’d been followed.

Raine swallowed and, not having enough breath as her heart pounded in her throat, whispered, “You go home now, Brady, and be careful. I thank you, and I’ll take it from here.” Her hands reached for the flower stems she was looking at and caressed the thin, green shafts. It was as if she’d seen her own death certificate signed. After a few short words, she now knew she’d have to leave and never return. She couldn’t turn Emil Vitman down and live anywhere near Bridgeville. Vitman would poison everything if he thought she had crossed him. She’d need to exile herself from everything she knew and loved in order to save her own life because she knew he’d either have her or see her dead.

What am I going to do and how am I going to do it? she wondered as iciness crept through her. Emil Vitman had been drinking, carousing, and fighting his way around the area for years now. Why should she be the target of his matrimonial plans? Ever since his daddy had died in the same flu epidemic that killed her parents, there was no one to bridle that erratic man or his goons, who acted first and then used Vitman’s money to get themselves out of trouble later. He was as mean as a snake and twice as dangerous, because in addition to money, he had the added currency of family connections of many generations’ standing. Several people had died in the last few years because they had come too close to Vitman’s temper. Who could say anything when the evildoer owned most of the town and paid off the people who knew things? Raine needed to plan — and fast. Thank goodness Brady’s warning had bought her some time, she thought as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

When Raine tried not to think about Brady’s news, her mind would snatch it back to conscious thought at the sheer enormity and horror of the prospect. Emil Vitman was not a patient man, so she’d have to play for time. There was Nanny Vi to think of; she was gone from her right mind more often now. Perhaps this would give Raine some leeway.

For all his hell-raising, Emil was a stickler for propriety in other people. A raving grandmother-in-law in the Vitman mansion wasn’t something Emil would want, and Raine wasn’t going to send her grandmother to the state sanitarium. She could play on people’s sentiments about a granddaughter wanting to keep her only living relative near her, even if people did think Nanny Vi was crazy now. Raine wasn’t sure. In her estimation, there seemed to be room for only one crazy person in the Vitman place, and that was Emil himself.

Emil Vitman was the product of the lovely, too-pampered daughter of a rum merchant who died a few days after his child’s birth and the watered-down bloodline of formerly hardworking, respectable stock on his father’s side. Fortunately for him, respect died hard, and connections could be bought in these lean times. So Emil successfully greased palms and mended fences after his binge blackouts and rages. As his neighbors, staff, and store patrons attested, he became progressively more moody as his sober hours shrank.

As word spread about the possible wedding, some observers were sarcastic enough to wonder in private if his increasingly surly moods might match the less frequent lucid moments of his future fiancée’s grandmother. Although all the gossips in town observed that Emil’s good looks were fading under the constant barrage of liquor, they made their comments outside of his earshot to avoid becoming the focus of his erratic, vengeful temper. They never knew when they might need a favor from the puffy-eyed, preening Vitman.

When Vitman made up his mind, he could not be dissuaded. He was convinced that Raine Foster was the answer to his problems. Raine, his soon to be ever-so-grateful wife, would take care of the store and his petty problems. Acting on his orders, his muscled assistants from the cotton gin could concentrate on handling more important things. He’d be free to consider weightier matters and give orders to all of them from the comfort of the leather chair in his library, with the cut-glass decanter of bourbon at his side.

Although nearly penniless, Raine had a fine pedigree, which certainly counted in his community. She could smooth things over on the church and social fronts. He’d keep the books of his businesses, set the credit rules, and let her run the rest — just as long as she didn’t ask to fix up that wreck of a homestead she and her grandmother were living in. Their ramshackle home had to be filled with all kinds of must and contagion, proof that Raine came from hardy stock and would make an excellent broodmare for his many forthcoming children. They would be her responsibility, too, he thought as he considered the delights of home, hearth, and business. Perhaps he could even manage some discreet dalliances on the side.

He had to plan carefully. Just to be safe from the decaying pile of lumber Raine called home, he would call her out on the lawn to talk about his plans and their upcoming marriage. With her hand-to-mouth existence, she couldn’t last much longer. If his spies had it right, there were only a few dolls left from her great-great-grand-mother’s collection of French dolls. If Raine stretched the money, it would last a year at most. Then there would be nothing else except her vegetables and flowers to sustain her and her grandmother.

Emil thought a minute. He could send Sweeney from the cotton gin over to steal the dolls and hasten the process. He tucked the possibility away as a last resort in order to get his way. Though he relished winning by any means necessary, he still considered matrimony a fine, honorable thing. He wouldn’t use any more force than necessary, unless Miss Raine gave him a reason to reconsider his tactics.

Emil looked in the mirror at his relatively handsome face, missing the signals of his increasing liquor consumption — reddening facial skin and the beginning of tiny broken blood vessels around his nose. He turned his head and admired the legendary Vitman cocoa brown hair, which kept its color well for all the men in the family until near the time they entered the hereafter.

There had been a few other changes in Emil. At thirty-seven, he had taken to wearing vests even in the warmest weather because the material hid his burgeoning waist. His blue eyes were a bit bloodshot, but there was always some ragweed around, wasn’t there? He turned a bit to consider his profile. With his long legs, he still rode a horse well when he thought to take to horseback. But he preferred the sedan Brady Fell washed and waxed every Wednesday morning, or whenever Emil wanted to remove any grime from Bridgeville’s puddles and ruts. Brady could restock shelves or take inventory later. Emil enjoyed seeing his reflection in the clean coal-black finish of his Packard.

Should that be the way he greeted his ladylove? Emil wondered. No, he thought, as he considered the classics his tutor had read to him those long ago years when he couldn’t be bothered to pick them up himself. Even then, he had been misunderstood at the community school. His father had hired a tutor for him, but the thin, spindly-legged man — named Harris, if Emil remembered correctly — ran away one night with some farmer’s daughter from the other side of town. In the grand style of romantic literature, Emil thought, he should ride over to the Foster house on his horse, Renegade, to impress Miss Raine. Women liked that kind of romantic drivel.

When Raine Foster said yes, his ride over on horseback was all the romance she was going to get besides her wedding day. So he’d go to the trouble of having his stable hands wash and curry Renegade and then make sure Mrs. Wright got the horse smell out of his clothes after he got back from the Foster place.

Emil fished into the breast pocket of his gold satin vest, feeling for the ring taken from his Aunt Clara’s body after she had died seven years ago. If memory served Emil correctly, her hand and Miss Raine’s were similar, so there was no use in wasting good money. After all, there was still the cost of the wedding bands. Besides, didn’t women like sentiment? He could tell Raine some cock-and-bull story and save himself the cost of a new engagement ring. She wouldn’t be wearing it long anyway after she started working in the store and taking care of their children. It would just come back to him and sit in his jewelry box. She’d get a plain gold band to mark her as his wife.

After a heaping breakfast of country ham and eggs with Mrs. Wright’s biscuits, followed by a light bourbon and water to brace himself, Emil Vitman set out for the Foster farm on Renegade at a light trot. Although he loved the thought of flying through the air on a galloping horse, he saw no reason today to jump fences and get the horse or himself sweaty. Emil patted his Aunt Clara’s ring in his vest pocket. As he reined in his fine black horse about fifty yards from Raine’s front door, a light breeze rippled through the tall shading oak trees at the front of the once-proud Foster home.

Copyright © 2006 Phoenix Publishing Corp.

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Why Plan An After Prom Party

From the time I enrolled my daughter in elementary school it seemed that the world was out to ruin her innocence. Her know-it-all six year old friends with older brothers and sisters shared the world’s reality with her on a daily basis. And I, who was happy living in the land of talking stuffed animals, was in no hurry to debate the concept of Santa Claus.

Unfortunately, that age of innocence doesn’t last long enough. Whether we like it or not, reality plops itself on the sofa in our living room and sits there while our children struggle through adolescence. About the time that we’re able to find some common ground, they’re talking to us about claiming their independence and graduating from high school.

If there’s one thing I’ve discovered in parenting, it’s that we can protect our children from many things when they’re under our roof. Once they’re out of sight however, their own their own. Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad will happen; unless they’re with one of those know-it-all friends they’ve known since the first grade.

Seriously, peer influence can be a constant source of challenge, growth, and heated conversations in homes across America. In addition to marketing messages that conflict with our parenting goals, our teenagers are heavily influenced by their friends. Therefore, it’s imperative that we do what we can to guide and protect them.

The pressure to experiment with alcohol and drugs is a constant source in the lives of teenagers and is often the gateway to risky sexual encounters. In addition to alcohol, many teenagers resort to tobacco, club drugs, inhalants, steroids, and methamphetamines just to fit in. Why not make it easy for them to just say no on prom night!

Because prom night is seen as a “right of passage,” anything parents can do to create an alternative to rented hotel rooms and unsupervised parties is a wise idea. According to Mothers Against Drunk Driving (see www.madd.org/stats/2421), on the weekend of my daughter’s prom in May 2000, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, FARS data reported that there were 246 total traffic fatalities. From the “Prom/Graduation Weekend Alcohol-Related Fatalities - 2000″ report, 136 of the motor vehicle traffic fatalities (55.2%) were alcohol related.

With the help of the community and one another, parents can take a stand against the negative persuasion and fight the devastating statistics as reported by the NHTSA. By following the outline in the After Prom Party Guide, parents can plan and implement an After Prom party to keep their teenagers off the street after the prom. Designed to insure the safety and well being of high school teenagers, all-night After Prom parties are a sure bet for free food, fun and entertainment.

Although most parents come to accept the fact that their children do make their own choices and they can’t blame the first grade friends for every bad decision, no parent wants the challenge of “what if” questions of themselves. Prom night is supposed to be a wonderful time – let’s make it our mission to keep our teenagers safe and off the streets. That idea was the motivation and the inspiration behind the After Prom Party Guide.

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Making the Big Decision

As an author of books in the pet loss genre, I often receive e-mail where I am asked “Do you think that I did the right thing by putting my best friend down?” The question is always qualified by a very heart-wrenching and moving story about the rapidly declining health of the family pet, which resulted in making the “big decision”.

Almost without exception, the inquirer expresses a deep sense of guilt from having made that choice, which, in all probability, is the real reason for their writing to me…to help them with that guilt. Essentially, I am being asked to approve of a decision made during a period of great duress without much background information. It is a task that I do not relish, but one that I cannot and will not avoid.

Making such a decision is one of the most difficult things a person who loves animals will ever have to do. Our pets are perpetual children to us: children, because they depend upon us for all of their needs (food, shelter, medical attention, etc.); and, perpetual, because they never grow up and leave the nest.

They do not marry. They do not go to college. They remain utterly dependent upon us throughout their lives. When our children leave home, we still love them and provide help when they ask for it, but generally they have their own lives to live and we no longer make decisions for them. But for our furry children, the decision-making responsibilities permanently fall to us.

Is it any wonder then, that when we have had to prematurely hasten their passing, we blame ourselves or feel guilt? After all, they depended upon us and somehow we let them down. Somehow we should have had control and been able to prevent their illness or injury.

The truth is, however, we have no control over such things. We cannot know when illness will strike. We cannot know when an animal will dig a hole under the fence and run into the street. We can take all the necessary safety precautions, feed them the best food, get them regular check-ups, but we cannot foresee the future. Accordingly, from a reality standpoint, there is no basis for feeling guilty when unexpected circumstances force us to decide to help our best friend pass on.

From a perceptional standpoint, when someone is so broken that they feel compelled to seek my help, pouring out their most intimate emotions to a complete stranger, this suggests to me that they could never have failed their best friend by making a poor decision. It just is not in them to have not been vigilant and caring. It is my perception that they could have done nothing to deserve the guilt they torture themselves with.

It has been my experience rather, that such people possess great love and devotion for their pets. Invariably, they will have done anything within their power to extend the life of their best friend if it were at all possible to do so.

Indeed, I can attest that some who have contacted me have spent literally tens of thousands of dollars on surgery and other healthcare efforts, traveled great distances to meet with specialists, or sat up night after night all night long trying to provide comfort and care. There can be little doubt but that people who love their pets, people like you and me, will exhaust every possibility to help their animals.

Sadly, despite all of our selfless effort and expense, success sometimes is not realized and our best friend continues to deteriorate, often in great pain. We are forced to make that dreaded big decision, whether or not to let our best friend go.

It is after that decision has been made and our best friend is gone, that guilt comes, accompanied by its infamous associate, doubt. Together they rob us of our confidence and turn our precious memories into a source of pain. We beat ourselves up in our hearts and minds and are plagued by the haunting questions:

• “Did I do the right thing”?

• “Should I have waited longer”?

• “Why am I feeling all this guilt”?

• “What if I had done this or that”?

Again, these questions are hard to answer. If you were to ask for my help in validating your decision, I could not presumptuously determine that putting your best friend down was the right thing to do. Neither could I suggest that it was the wrong thing to do. I just cannot know.

Similarly, I do not know if the decision was made too soon, too late or whether it should have been made at all. At best, my thoughts in those areas would be nothing more than a subjective guess, based upon very limited information and my own values and level of sensitivity. It would be unfair to hold everyone to my own personal standard and to respond to them based upon that alone.

Instead, I would encourage you to remember how things were at that moment in time when you bore the responsibility of making that big decision for your family pet. Only you can know if it was the right and timely thing to do. My advice to you is to simply “trust the moment”. By that I mean, that you should not second-guess now, the decision that you made then. Second-guessing will only lead to a feeling of insecurity, which will eventually manifest itself as guilt.

It is imperative to trust that at that moment, when you were forced to make that undesirable, big decision, you did so from a position of love. You didn’t want to do it. It horrified you to have to decide. Nevertheless, you stepped up and assumed your responsibility. You selflessly decided, at that moment, that your best friend was suffering, that there was nothing you or anyone else could do about it, except make that decision.

Now, long after the fact, divorced from the emotion and pressure of that moment, you are allowing yourself to dissect every thought and circumstance. Now, with the luxury of time, you are starting to re-think the facts and question yourself, playing the “what if” game.

Today, it isn’t as clear as it was then. You really don’t know if you did the right thing. Take heart, it is human nature to doubt. We are imperfect and fickle creatures. But that does not make it right to pull a load of guilt upon ourselves, and that does not change the reality of the moment when you had to make that big decision.

Don’t let your feelings of grief give birth to guilt. Remember the moment. Remember that at that moment you wanted nothing more than to help the one you so dearly loved. You would have done anything, paid any amount, performed any feat to prolong their life, but it was just not to be

The doctor’s prognosis was grim. There would be much suffering and pain. The recommendation was to bring them relief, to help them pass on. Under extreme duress and emotional strain, through tears of love, you weighed all the facts, reached down deep inside yourself, put aside your own selfish desire to have your pet hang on, and did what you thought best for them at that moment.

At that moment, your love made the selfless decision that rationale and logic now question. There was no selfishness then, but rather a somber consideration of the facts, and a decision to do something that you really did not want to do. But you did it, because someone needed for you to be strong for them.

You put self aside and found strength you did not know that you had. Don’t let go of that moment. Hold on to it. Trust it. Trust that you were right and that you did what was needed. Trust that your love ruled over your selfishness and know that where your love prevailed, there is no room for guilt or doubt. Grief and sadness are important validations of your love, but do not cheat that process with doubt and guilt. It has no place.

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Don’t Add to the Gore This Halloween By Being Safe Behind the Wheel

“From ghoulies and ghosties
And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!”

This is an old Scottish saying on one of the events that children and teenagers look forward to year after year. Halloween. And this is the time when people who would love to be what they really wanted to be can dress up the part. You can most certainly see various versions of Frankenstein monsters, Darth Vaders, faeries, princesses, goblins, ghosts, and other creatures.

However, it is also very important to note that during such an event, many people also do get involved in car crashes, collisions, or accidents. After all, you should keep in mind that when Halloween night is on, many children who are going trick or treating usually choose to wear black and scare other kids. And the Michigan American Automobile Association, or AAA, does remind parents and guardians to be extra cautious about where their children are going. With that, Jack Peet, the manager of Community Safety Services for Michigan’s AAA, says, “The risk of becoming a pedestrian fatality increases four times during Halloween.”

As a motorist, it is important that one should go through neighborhoods much slowly than usual. Being on the alert for small children in black darting about shadows would also do you much good. Sure enough, if you would take much notice, these children would be running from house to house if they can all because they are excited about the thought that they are getting more candy. However, what they do not seem to remember is the fact that by crossing the street, they could get hit by oncoming vehicles.

Now if you are a parent or a guardian of a little kid screaming to go trick or treating with his or her friends, the best way would be for you to actually go with your little one as he takes in the Halloween fun. That way, you yourself could check about his safety and make sure that he does not get struck by Dodge auto parts on careening down the street on its wheels.

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Sex in Ancient Greece - Views Towards Sex & Positions Part 2

In the first part of the article we covered the background to ancient Greek society and sex.

Here we will look at more on how sex was viewed and sexual positions. The Greeks (as many ancient societies were) were extremely liberated and sex in ancient times was certainly very different to our view of sex today.

For the man in ancient Greece, considering he was not a slave, but either a citizen, or free man, his choice for sex would be with his wife (doubtful, as you will see below), household slaves, professional prostitutes, or young boys.

The ancient Greek man, as today, was basically bi-sexual, with a preference for pederasty.

The Role of the Wife

The wives of Greek men were to do three things exclusively. They were to bear legitimate children, care for the home, and to cook.

They were not allowed out of the home unattended, ever.

According to our knowledge of the past, the Greek men would marry them at about 14 to 15 years old, and sex with them was often performed in rear entry standing positions.

Sex in bed was not unknown, but the beds were not as they are today, and often an older man on top of a young girl, in a bed, would be inconvenient. The young wives were totally inexperienced, and were mostly ravished by their older and often sated husbands.

One ancient Greek writer mentions a man sodomizing his wife, and being severely punished after being discovered.

Sex in Greek Everyday Life

The homes of the ancient Greeks were full of people.

There were the wives and children, slaves, the slave children and some free man servants.

The Greek man could do as he wished with his slaves.

Pottery always portrays the wives of Greek men fully clothed, even when having sex, while the slaves are always naked.

The preferred sexual positions were standing rear entry, sodomized read entry, and sex on chairs or couches.

Although fellatio was a theoretical taboo, it was widely performed. Slaves and prostitutes were often beaten first to get them to be more compliant.

The third option for the Greek men were hetaera (or educated and groomed prostitutes). They joined the men at their symposia, entertained, argued, and then slept with the highest paying customer.

Their education included also the delights of the bedroom, and it appears that the positions used were varied and inventive. Doggy-style variant positions were featured, and some face to face sexual positions on chairs. Sodomy was an included option in the sexual repertoire.

Another variant of the prostitute was the temple prostitutes, and it seems all their positions were variants of standing positions, both front and rear entry.

The last variant of the prostitute was the chamaitype (or dirt doers).

These were the street girls, and there were neither rooms nor furniture for the couple. Whatever was done was in the street (in the dirt). Conventional doggy-style seems to be their specialty, both vaginal and sodomized. Fallatio was also their specialty, and we know that beating them up before was not required.

Bi Sexuality

The most important variant for the Greek man was the young boy, always less than 17. The older man was the erostes (lover) and young boy the eromenoi, or loved one.

The older man would be responsible for the young man’s education, and financial support.

They would appear in public, especailly at the gymnaisium (literally, place to be naked), and fallatio by the young man on the older considered an honor.

Greeks believed semen held man’s wisdom and strength, and the young man would necessarily take this from the older one.

Plato’s works are full of pederastic implications, and principles, and generally, this form of homosexuality was a completely accepted norm.

It was also practiced by rich freed women, with young girls. The favored sexual position was standing rear entry sodomy.

A comparison

We tend to think that today we live in a society where most sexual preferences are accepted and many talk of a breakdown in moral values, but this is not true when compared to the ancient Greeks!

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Answears to Questions About Schizophrenia

Chances of developing schizophrenia are about 1%. Risks are even higher if someone in the family has or had the disease since the illness tends to run in the family. Studies have shown that risks vary considerably depending on who in the family has it. There is no difference between the risks men or women are facing when dealing with the danger of getting the disease.

Although the big majority of people developing the illness has passed a certain age ( 20 or even older), very rare cases have been seen where children as young as 5 years old have been diagnosed with the disease. Symptoms didn’t usually appear until adulthood but as said earlier they have been present and found in children.

If at any time a person thinks that symptoms similar to those of schizophrenia are appearing in his or her behavior, getting and consulting a doctor would be a very wise and good decision. Detecting the disease very early in its developing is very important, this way the treatment having the biggest chances of having a good result.

Risks in people with the disease that would want to have a family, and of course children, will always be there, but this doesn’t really mean that one shouldn’t try. If the need to do so is really big there are some facts that should be considered. Problems like nursing and providing for the child or children, containing the symptoms and outbreaks of the disease, the children being born with the disease and even the possible help that your partner could give are always there and should be taken in consideration.

It is very important for people with schizophrenia to fell cherished, loved and appreciated as a normal person will be in the day to day life. They are very much normal people, like us, sometimes with very high IQ’s actually, and unless the symptoms show a higher chance of acting up, the person is just as normal in behavior as us. The right and best thing to do as a friend, would be to understand as much as you could possibly do and also try to educate other in order to have a better response and attitude towards people suffering from this terrible illness. Being supportive and understanding the experiences that patient go through means a lot to them.

Although some symptoms may be similar to those of someone who is on drugs, schizophrenia can’t be caused by taking street drugs like cocaine or other hallucinogenic drugs.

A higher risk of developing the disease is in the case of heavy drinkers. People on medication should be particularly careful when mixing them with alcohol. Effects can be very wide and dangerous.

For more resources about schizophrenia or even about symptoms of schizophrenia please follow this link http://www.schizophrenia-info-center.com/

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Characteristics Of An Internet Child Predator

Millions of children and teens are on the Internet everyday. They surf web pages, get their email and chat with their friends. Most parents believe this is harmless, except that our kids are being targeted everyday by predators on the Internet.

Let’s explore some of the characteristics of a child predator. The average child predator is male and over the age of 25. He could be considered “the guy down the street who kept to himself”. The loner type, very few friends and typically not married. A child predator most often has limited social skills, but a propensity to engage in conversation with an adolescent or child. This individual will tend to become shy with adults of his own age. He tends to seek out jobs that allow him to work around children, such as a baseball or basketball coach, Boy Scout leader, janitor or teacher at the school.

Child predators usually see nothing wrong with their behavior. Child predators come from all walks of life, some are rich, some are poor, some are educated and some are not. They usually have a sexually abusive or violent background histories. Child predators will “target” numerous children at one time. Their words are cunning and they take their time to “groom” their victims. “Grooming” is done by showering their victims with gifts, signs of affection and anything else they can, in order to build trust and a relationship with potential victims. Once trust is built, blackmail and guilt are sometimes used to get the child to succumb to their demands.

The Child Internet predator will utilize any or all of these techniques online. They will often times mask their age and state that they are around the same age as your child. They will stalk the Internet sites that most children and teens regularly visit. Hiding behind their computer screen, waiting patiently and then attacking their prey, our children.

How can you tell if your child is at risk? Your child may turn off the computer suddenly when you enter the room. Your child may be receiving gifts from others that you do not know. They may become more secretive about what they are doing online and usually spend more than an hour a day on the Internet. You may see long distance phone numbers that you do not recognize or they may receive phone calls from people that you are not familiar with. These are all signs that your child may be at risk.

As a parent, what can you do? One of the best ways to keep your child safe online is to create open dialogue with your child and to set clear rules regarding computer and Internet usage. You will also need to understand what your child is doing online. Learning more about how your child uses the Internet and whom they talk to in emails and instant message chat rooms can do this. You may also consider utilizing Internet monitoring tools to keep tabs on your child’s activity. One organization that has combined both parental monitoring tools and tools to translate the litany of instant message acronyms is Safe Computer Kids. They have recently launched their website at www.safecomputerkids.com. You can contact them at 866-846-6464 or email them at info@safecomputerkids.com.

As a counselor for more than sixteen years, working with adolescents, adults and families, I have yet to meet a sexual offender who has been completely cured with treatment and have all too often seen the devastating results of their actions.

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Simplifying a Difficult Senior Planning Decision: the Family Home

As Father Time marches on, the question of what to do with the home becomes a greater concern. In some cases, ruminating on the alternatives can dominate one’s thinking. If a person is aware of the various options and chooses a path that makes the most sense, peace of mind can often be the result.

Studies have shown that 90% of married couples and 62% of single persons reach retirement owning their own homes. Coupled with non-monetary considerations of whether to stay or sell, one major objective is how to convert the equity in the home to an income.

In some cases, selling the home is the most attractive option. However, remaining in the home could be simpler and less stressful. Many people are too quick to jump to the “sell” option because they are not aware of all the options that would allow staying in the home and extracting the equity as well.

Weigh each of the following options against selling before throwing in the mental towel and listing the home.

An AARP study done in 2000 showed that more than 90% of seniors wanted to stay in their homes for as long as possible. Almost 82% still wanted to stay even if they needed care.

That is a very loud vote. Therefore, I would recommend looking at long term care insurance that either only provides home care or a more comprehensive plan that includes home care. Many seniors balk at the topic of long term care because they figure they will never go to the “home.” Statistically, 50% of them are right. What many fail to realize is that at some point almost everyone will need some kind of help. Home care benefits may provide the needed assistance while allowing the person to remain in their home.

As seniors age, the upkeep of the home may become overbearing. The lawn still needs cutting, the bushes trimmed and the flower beds kept free of weeds. The inside needs dusting; the carpet needs vacuuming and the windows need washing. Eventually, in many people’s minds, these become reasons to sell.

I would invite you to put a pencil to this. Look at hiring someone to come in and clean. Hire a lawn maintenance company or the teen-ager down the street trying to pay for his car. Having these things taken care of in this manner is a lot less expensive than moving to a retirement home.

If the home is too big, close some rooms off. If it cost too much to heat or cool, seal the vents in un-used rooms.

Sometimes it may make sense (both for the senior and the child) for one of the children to move in and serve as a caretaker, cook, lawn-cutter and/or pool boy/girl.

There are several ways to get the equity out of the home, while continuing to live in the home.

First, the home could be re-financed. Mortgage interest rates today are low. Properly invested, the funds released could cover the new mortgage payments. If not, the difference could be less expensive than rent. Depending on the person’s age, putting a part of the proceeds into an immediate annuity may even cover the mortgage payment and then some.

If the person has a retirement plan that mandates required minimum distributions starting at age 70 1/2, the interest deduction on the new mortgage could be a welcome offset to the RMDs, which must be included in taxable income.

For large estates subject to estate taxes, placing the home in a Qualified Personal Residence Trust (QPRT) can potentially remove the home, and any appreciation from the date of the transfer into the trust, from the taxable estate. Proper trust drafting can also provide for the housing needs of the survivor of a married couple and, ultimately, leave the home to the children.

Selling the home to the children is another option. By structuring the sale and lease back according to the rules, the $250,000 single person or $500,000 married couple capital gains tax exclusion could apply. Here, again, the parents would continue to live in the home and pay rent to the children. This removes the home from the taxable estate as well.

A gift-leaseback is an alternative. The value of the home will use up part (or all) of the lifetime unified credit. Consult a tax attorney if the value of the home is large and this option is one of the ones on the table.

If the homeowner(s) are age 62 or older, a reverse mortgage may be a viable option. The National Council on Aging calculates there are 13.2 million seniors who could qualify for a reverse mortgage of $20,000 or more. The average would be $72,000.

Reverse mortgages can reduce or eliminate the children’s inheritance. Today, there are Federal Rules for reverse mortgages and about 90% are federally insured. Fees can be high and will differ among lenders. Shop around.

Prior to making the decision to stay in the home or sell, each of these options should be part of the discussion among the senior, their children and financial advisors.

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Looting in Pripyat

Prologue

The day of December, 23rd didn’t promise anything unusual. Although, stop, there was one unusual thing and it began from the list of people who wanted to visit Chernobyl Zone – only ONE man! Well, liability was to be done. Other way people would not believe you anymore.

So, morning, December, 23rd, 7.00 AM - Kiev railway station – South Terminal. The program of the Zone’s visiting is signed; we take the passenger and go.

§ In this place we will look aside and remember the day two weeks ago. Project pripyat.com lives by its everyday life… December, 8th – rumors about the collapse of sarcophagus. There is panic in net, public excitement in forum, visitor’s inquiries on one topic:

§ Chernobyl wall, collapsed the wall of sarcophagus, the wall of Chernobyl sarcophagus collapsed, radiation level in Kiev, news Chernobyl, Chernobyl catastrophe, Chernobyl sarcophagus, sarcophagus, ChNPP, photo Chernobyl, Chernobyl today, Chernobyl December, News from Chernobyl…

*

Editorial staff connects with ChNPP direction. They answer – “No collapses – everything is ok”. Excitement and panic don’t go away. Site editors go to check radiation in 2 Kiev’s districts: Darnitskiy and Kharkovskiy – photos of 2 radiometers’ data slightly calm down the public…But part of the audience is watchful anyway – “rumors do not appear themselves…something had to be”. The time of trip to Zone is almost near – 23 of December.

*

The project - Address book of the Excluded Zone. During two months Anna Gorelisheva – programmer from St. Petersburg constrainedly works (for free!) for one of main ideas of the project – address (phone) book of People from Pripyat (liquidators, people who work in the Zone). Interactive book is ready for 90%, remained only to put into it the base of buildings of Pripyat. But there is not enough information about it. We need to make a trip to Pripyat to put addresses to the map. The maps with routes are already prepared in Moscow (Nehaev.S.). It is left to go by these routes.

On the way we decided to dedicate our trip to 2 main targets:

1. To stop the rumors about collapsing of the sarcophagus’ wall – to make a photo of it and make measures of radiometer near it (150meters).

2. To prepare information about address book – to put all buildings on the map.

We had no problem with the first task, but the second one could be more difficult. We went early; all organizational problems were almost solved. There would be enough time. If we would know about “unforeseeable consequences” that would prevent us to fulfill the second part of our task.

Check-point Dityatki is left behind; in Chernobyl in “Chernobylinterinform” agency we are waited not earlier than 11 AM. And we are here at .30 AM!…Small briefing…

Let’s go…

Chernobyl-2

Hmm…maybe we can go to Chernobyl -2?…Why not, let’s go…

Turn left. Narrow woodland road, made of concrete plates. Road to”special object”…We ride 3 km like in a train. Tm-tm…Tm-tm… Joints of plates give theirs waves to the car.

Sleepy guard in sport trousers:”What organization are you from? Now I will call my boss”…”Steel garden” – so was called this building at one western site. Sergey Chernov, our attendant, tells us about the “birth” of this idea – to make this building energy source. “Scientists investigated that medium air speed here is 14m/sec, while it is necessary 12meters minimum, so conditions let to make this object in electro station.

- So, what is going on there?-we ask.

- - No money, the most widespread saying in Ukraine in all spheres of life.

- I am sorry, guys, but I can’t let you in. You need special pass from direction. This tells us the guard of secret object in the past. We go further.

Address book of the Excluded

Zone

Check-point “Pripyat”. We leave the car near the town entrance – where guards can keep an eye on it. We divide and agree to meet near CP “Energetic” and go according our routes.

2 micro district, left side of the Lenin street…1…kindergarten…Lesya Ukrainka street…Work is not boring – I was not here 20 years! My “partner” Sergey doesn’t work as attendant for 7 years, but also has never been here.

- I was in Pripyat before accident in 1986, he tells – we came here in student’s team. We liked the town and I decided to move here after graduating. But – catastrophe.

- What did you like best of all? – I ask

- Children and flowers – he answers sparingly. A lot of children and flowers.

- Do you remember this shop?

- This one? No, I don’t remember…But remember that here was a lot of food. And in general I like this city more than Kiev. And now every time when I come here, I come almost every day, I feel sad.

- And I don’t feel sad. I like the silence of this place and its special aura. Here I feel myself calm and cosy. Here I relax.

***

- First – first, I am second, the voice of editor from portative radio station.

- I hear you, Alexander.

- We are finishing 1 micro district, will wait for you in the center, near Culture House.

- Ok, we will be there in 30 minutes, finishing Kurchatova Street.

Awful Sounds of Pripyat

Attendant was behind about 100 meters. A house without a tablet, we have to go inside – maybe the number of house is in the residents’ list or at post cards which could be found on the floor. I don’t have big desire to come in alone. Still have a lot of impressions from September’s trip. Awful, but anyway I go. The door wasn’t open for several years…Nothing special – same half-opened doors, paper and other small things on the floor. But there are strange subdued sounds from cellar. I can’t compare it with something…and animal fear comes closer…to my back, near neck (familiar feeling: city hospital – second and third floor…as one of the visitors told “Feeling that you are in somebody’s unseen sights”). Sounds do not stop, they seem to be closer and closer. The fear grows and legs don’t want to go further. Sharp turn, some quick steps or even jumps and I am at the street already, where is same friendly winter sun. Somewhere in the distance could be heard Sergey’s steps.Yee…What’s the nonsense there, in cellar?…Who or what could make such sounds?

Interesting that when our groups meet, Sasha firs begins to talk about awful sounds in Pripyat. I nodd…hmm…yes…If former residents say such nonsense…Maybe because of hard work, and psychics is not good already. Only that who visited houses and cellars of Pripyat alone can judge. But I don’t think that there are lots of people like that.

Marodeurs

The work in two micro districts are finished. Light breakfast.

- You know, it is not enjoyable to go in groups, let’s join together?- I offer.

- Sure. We have a lot of time. Let’s do it together.

- Ok, and then let’s start with 3 micro district (road cross of Kurchatova and L.Ukrainka Street). You take this group of nine-storey buildings. I take that – buildings opposite to electro shop of “Complex”.

- Hm…Again I am alone. Sergey is left to guar a car. Let it be so, I know that planca and iov (nicknames of Sasha and Oleg in forum) are somewhere near. Inner yards of 3 micro district are gloomier. This is so because of that there are no 5-storey buildings, only 9- and 16-storeyed.

Combined in 3 or 4 houses nine-storied buildings – no tablets. I come to the yard with intention to clear up the number of building, even if I have to go through all the flats from first to ninth floor…meanwhile Sasha and Oleg are coming.

We pip in the lift room of one of the living buildings. Warehouse of gas-masks, filters for them and other accessories. Above there is new, packed nickel-plated tablets with names of streets and numbers of buildings. Above – festive transparency for parades and demonstrations…Gas-masks, evidently, were not used like all other stuff.

- This is Housing Service, - shouts Oleg when coming into first apartment.

Now it is understandable why here are so many gas-masks. Unintentionally my thoughts come back to that date – 27 of April 1986 – evacuation of the town…

Further investigation of buildings goes on with bad mood spoiled by marauders activity in this place.

Three more nine-storied buildings near 4th school, and after we come back by car to L.Ukrainka Street and move to 5th micro district.

- Wow… Savings bank

Reading forms, books and cards we plunge into “saving atmosphere” of past years. “You can save money in savings bank” – poster of Savings Bank on the wall. “Yes, it was possible, probably…” And after it was also probably to lose it all – in one day…

Events more than twenty years ago still agitate but only to satisfy curiosity. How was it?

We go outside – sunny day in Pripyat…

- Here is pink square on the map; do you know what is it? – I ask Sasha.

- Kindergarten, - jauntily tells Planca.

- Noo…Kindergarten is near…And here, I don’t know what it is. Well, we have to look and mark on the map, let’s go…

50 meters before the pink square I see one-storey building with painting – “sickle and hammer” at one of the window glass. How could I forget! This is new shop! I saw it only once or twice.

- And I almost didn’t visit this district. I had nothing to do here, - grandly says Planca.

- Aha, that time your legs were too small to come here.

- And it seems it was at the end of the world, - also jokes Sasha.

Inside everything is left as it was. Looking at soviet cash registers and old milk bottles with wide neck unwillingly begin to remember that time.

- Guys, do you know that there are radiators in that yard prepared to move out, - says Oleg.

- Where?

- There, he shows the way to barns.

While we go to inner yard through the shop, and there we stop near “the monuments” of past years: tablet “ChNPP working supply department”; milk bottles, bath for ferment and storage of cucumbers, cabbage and potatoes… (Oh…How tasty were these tomatoes in childhood!). We make photos and go on.

Dark corridor, the inner yard of the shop is already seen through the door and suddenly…I hear people’s voices and the roar of the engine.

Aha…Here are marauders…

- Silence! ( I wave to planca and iov) Thieves are going…

I switch my Sony to video…Let’s go…I make one-minute clip about 5 people who entruck the radiators…

How can it be! They act without fear, like at home!

Further events occur as quickly as the old animation film. We divide. I go to bring official representative of the agency and car, Sasha and Oleg – look for the thieves.

Meanwhile marauders go to the neighboring building where already packed and prepared radiators is, and entruck the KAMAZ again. We have already enough video and it is time to know who are they and who let them pillage the town.

(to look video)

wmv, 29,2

mb

- Who let you?

- It is personal permission..

- Whose?

- One high-ranking official

…We come to truck which is half full of radiators…” Loaders” ran inside the house, left one man to answer all our questions and hide behind board box the governmental number of an auto near the truck.

- And where will you move it?

- To processing point…

It is time to call the police.

(In connection with the investigation, part of materials of this report is unavailable till the end of the case.

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Attention Parents: Do You Make These Ten Mistakes In Homeschooling? Free Report Reveals How To Avoid Them

Everyone approaches homeschooling with a different perspective. Some approach it with fear and trepidation; others with excitement and enthusiasm; others feel backed into a corner with no other options; and still others look forward to homeschooling as a way to invest more into their children.

Examine each point carefully and look honestly at yourself and your teaching style. Not every mistake will apply to you—that will depend on your personality and approach—but all can easily occur without warning!

1.Over Scheduling

I will never forget my first year of homeschooling. My children were involved in art classes, gymnastics, classes at the zoo, science center classes, chorus, piano lessons, physical education classes, and community sports. On the one day per week that we did not have scheduled events, we would get together with fellow homeschooling families for field trips, writing classes (which I taught), and/or just for a fun time.

I have never been so frazzled in my life! We would cram in our studies in the morning, then load up the car to head out to our daily routine.

I can’t remember who burned out first—the kids or me, but I do know we burned out. Soon those creative moments of science experiments, creative writing fun, and history projects were a thing of the past and we became a slave to our activities schedule.

The key: limit yourself to one or two activities at a time and make schooling a priority. When you have more time to commit at home, schooling can become much more enjoyable!

2.Under Scheduling

Over scheduling can be a nightmare, but under-scheduling can also have its detriments. Kids need variety and opportunities to be with others their own age. There are so many learning opportunities out there!

Find what activities work for your family and take advantage of them. There are many opportunities out there through local museums, art schools, YMCAs, support groups, colleges, churches, and historical sites.

A great idea that worked for us was to get together with several other homeschooling families and plan out a year’s worth of field trips—one per month. We then assigned one to each parent to organize, picked the dates (which we all reserved), and looked forward to our once a month outing. On occasion, we would also get together at a local playground or state park for another day of fun or learning.

This smaller network allowed us to support each other on a more personal basis and to feel free to call on another when we needed encouragement or ideas.

3.Unrealistic Expectations

It is so easy to fall into the trap of unrealistic expectations. I have met many a homeschool Mom who was upset because her three-year old was not reading yet or because her sixth grade son was not succeeding in Algebra I. I have watched as families tackle huge projects trying to cram a whole year of World History into one quarter and plan a World History Fair to culminate the experience. These are the same parents and kids who are burned out by Christmas and struggling to make it through each day!

One the other hand, I have also seen families who decide to home school with no direction, no formal home school curriculum, and no real goals in mind.

Students will live up to your expectations and if none exist, they will quickly adapt and really enjoy themselves for a time. However, by Halloween, kids long for the structure of school and parents are thinking that the ghosts and ghouls knocking on their door look much more appealing than their bored and antsy children.

The individualized instruction that homeschooling provides opens up the door for students to master concepts much quicker than in a classroom full of distractions. However, it also makes it very easy to coast through the year without really accomplishing anything.

The answer to this struggle is planning.

4.A Disorganized School Room

There is nothing more frustrating than the inability to put your fingers on what you need when you need it. This is especially true when you are trying to keep your children current with their schoolwork.

The inability to find a pencil, a working eraser, a textbook or workbook, dictionary, calculator . . . . you get the picture. These are all extremely frustrating and when piled up can make for a very difficult start to a day.

I recommend you commit an entire day at the beginning of the school year to organizing your home school room. Engage your children in the task—let them decide how to organize their supplies.

Store away your teacher’s guides and answer keys—preferably in a file drawer so they are always at your fingertips and organize the curriculum in a sequence that makes sense.

The more time you devote ahead of time to organizing, the less wasted time throughout the school year searching for items you know “are around here somewhere!”

5.Avoiding Breaks to Allow for a Shorter Day

This is a biggie! We all do it—it seems like such a wonderful thing to tell our kids. “Hey, if you can just get this all done this morning, we will have all afternoon with no school!” Guess what? Across the board, homeschooling kids are saying, “We’d rather have a break!”

Let me share some personal experiences. I am ashamed to say, I fell into this one very badly my first year of homeschooling. At the beginning of the school year, I was really good about taking breaks—even heading outside with my children to play baseball, catch, soccer, volleyball, tag . . . you name it. My favorite time for one of these breaks was when one of the kids was struggling, grumpy or looking tired, or when I found myself overwhelmed with the mess around me.

I would announce, “RECESS TIME!” and we would head outside for a good 20 minutes of fun. It never ceased to amaze me how easy it was to get back to a difficult task after a quick breather.

Suddenly, it was essential for my kids to finish up their work in the morning so we could have the afternoon free and breaks became a thing of the past.

I never realized just how frustrating this must have been for my kids until a recent homeschool graduate put it on her top ten list. Sure enough, my kids hated it! To them the tradeoff was not worth it. A “free” afternoon after a grueling morning was not of value to them.

To avoid this one: schedule regular breaks and take them whether you think you need them or not and be sure to spend at least one break enjoying your kids!

In the end a more relaxed longer day is better than a crammed short day any day!

6.Becoming a Slave to Your Home School Curriculum

Another big mistake I made my first year of homeschooling was to allow my curriculum to drive me. Even on days when it was obvious that my kids just weren’t getting it, I would push them to complete the assignments we had determined were appropriate for that day.

When I finally learned to back off, our homeschooling became much more effective. On days when my fifth grader just could not quite figure out how to reduce fractions to the lowest common denominator, we would take a break and move on to something else. Although in some cases, we did not even return to math that day, more often than not, we found that waiting until the evening when the hustle and bustle of the day was over worked much better! At that time, she could sit down and breeze through the math concepts that were impossible just a few hours earlier.

In some cases, you may need to abandon an entire course and try a different approach. Now, don’t be too quick to make this decision—too many of these decisions can be costly. Take the time to really evaluate whether it is the homeschool curriculum or your misuse of it that is causing the struggle.

Sometimes it just takes a fresh look or slowing down a little to make a course work better for you. But if you find that something just does not work, don’t be afraid to set it aside or pass it on to someone else.

On the other hand, don’t make the mistake of rushing your children through a study that they are passionate about! Take the time to allow them to pursue it further.

Bottom line: watch and learn from your kids and adapt as necessary. Don’t become a slave to your home school curriculum.

7.Doing it Alone

So many homeschooling Moms try to do it alone. Once the curriculum decisions have been made and the curriculum is in their hands, they begin the process of schooling . . . on their own.

Sometimes pride keeps them from asking for advice when things get tough; sometimes just the overwhelming task of schooling the children makes it difficult to seek out socialization opportunities; sometimes, it is the misperception that “That is the way it is for homeschoolers.”

This is a huge danger! Irrevocably, Moms who try to do it alone become frustrated and very lonely. Do you find yourself keeping the telemarketer on the phone as long as you possibly can? Does your UPS man find it difficult to escape from your front door after delivering a package? YOU NEED SOCIALIZATION!

IT is just as important for you as it is for your kids.

Socialization for a homeschooling Mom means a sounding board for ideas, advice from those who have been through it before, friendships that allow us to be ourselves, an easy way to share or access information and ideas, a terrific venue to pass on newly discovered educational events or opportunities . . . all absolutely necessary for Moms who are investing so much into their children.

Support groups, homeschool publications, seminars, homeschool conferences, memberships, classes . . . all of these are terrific ways for homeschooling families to socialize with other children and adults.

Don’t ignore this! This will make or break your homeschooling endeavors.

8.Super Mom Syndrome

This was probably the most difficult part of homeschooling for me. Days when my friends would say, “Walking into your home is like walking into an Ethan Allen Showroom” were long gone.

Trying to keep those same standards is like trying to rake leaves into a pile in the middle of a tornado.

Face it: your home will never be the same. Your meals will not always be healthy, your errands will not always be run, your bills may be late, and your bathrooms may not always sparkle.

But take a deep breath and remember:

1. You live in your house all day

2. Your kids are in your house all day

3. You school in your house

4. You use your walls as a display for charts, projects, lessons, maps, time lines, motivations, and more.

5. You do not have a large classroom to keep all of your studies in—books and educational materials will naturally take over your home.

6. You use your desk for more than paying bills, checking e-mail, and surfing the net.

If you are going to survive this homeschooling experience, you must learn to lower your standards!

9.Ignoring the Input of your Children

It is so easy to get so wrapped up in your plans and ideas that you forget to check with your children. This can be especially challenging for Moms who were teachers or who served in a managerial role. Part of the beauty of homeschooling is that it can be a two way street.

You set up the boundaries, then, allow your kids some freedom within those boundaries.

Your willingness to bounce ideas off of your kids and to really consider their input will mean so much to them . . . and you might be surprised at what they come up with!

10.Fear of the Internet

Let’s face it—the Internet can be dangerous! There is so much out there that we do not want our children to see and so many people out there we do not want them to meet!

However, there is also a wealth of information out there that is absolutely invaluable to any homeschooling program. From educational and interactive games, to live cam pictures of our solar system, the possibilities are endless.

And if you know where to go, you can tap into homeschool resources and instruction that will never run dry!

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