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Please - No Kids In Our Wedding
A wedding is always exciting. A lot of planning and preparation go into action so that the wedding will be memorable meaningful and as one-of-a-kind as the marrying couple. Yet, each couple has consideration unique to them.
With today’s escalating wedding costs, many brides and grooms who have no children of their own, ask A-wedding Day something akin to: “We want an adult only wedding and wedding reception. Is there a proper way to request that our guests not bring their chilren to wedding ceremony and wedding reception?”
The answer is both, yes and no. If you think that this makes no sense, keep reading.
When you send out your wedding invitations and reply cards, address them to:
Mr. and Mrs…. or
Mr…. or
Mrs…. or Miss…. or Ms…
This indicates to them that they are the only invitees. You may even add Adults Only Wedding. Most people will take into consideration that the invitation was not sent to - and Family and will make arrangements for their children so they can attend the wedding without them.
So, you may ask: “Where does the NO come in” Well;
What about your family and wedding attendants? Is there a chance that they will get insulted and view you as ungreatful?
Did you take into consideration your out of town guests? Will they leave their children behind and travel without them? Will they simply decline your invitation replying that they can not attend? Will they be offended and think that you are inconsiderate, especially when they see your ring bearer and flower child? or will they bring the kids anyway?
This hapened at my wedding 41 years ago. Ours was a small wedding with only 35 guests. Even first cousins were not invited. Yet almost everyone understood that this was all we, 2 students on a very minimal budget, could afford at the time and did not take offense.
Everyone except Rose and Harry who drove from Haverhill Mass to Brooklyn N.Y to attend. They brought their children Debbie and Mark 7 and 8 years old at the time. Fortunately our reception was a buffet and we did not assign seats. 5 tables of 8 left a few empty seats, enough to accomodate these two.
As it turned out, the seats were not necessary because Mark and Debbie attached themselves to the photographer. You guessed it. Every group picture potraits Mark and Debbie sitting right smack, dab in the middle. It made no difference to them, if it was a photograph of the wedding party, the bride’s side of the family or the groom’s. The two parked themselves in the center.
Today we have grown up children and grand children and have learned a lot since our own wedding.
Having seen both sides of the coin, you may ask: “Is there an adequate solution that will benefit all?”
The answer is a resound YES!
It takes thought and planning but can be done even on a tight budget.
FIRST STEP
If our suggestion appeals to you, you should add a note for guests who have children that if they must bring their children, the kids will be supervised and entertained in another location.
Let them know that their children will be cared for by a qualified adult.
Ask them to reply if they plan to bring their children and if so how many, what ages and what gender. Provide this information to the supervisor(s) so they can prepare accordingly.
To decide how many adult supervisors you need consider:
Up to what age a minor is considered a child to be supervised.
Check your list of possible locations for your wedding ceremony and or reception, to find out if they have an additional room you can reserve as a children’s Center for the duration of your wedding.
Most religious institutions have school rooms.
Hotels may offer you a small conference or meeting room, or a suite that includes a sitting room.
Restaurants that facilitate weddings usually have rooms of different sizes and will be glad to accomodate you with an additional smaller room.
The same holds true for country and other club houses.
Now that you know what to look for, choose the wedding venue that is able and willing to accomodate your young friends.
SECOND STEP
Figure out how many children need to be supervised,
Secure a very capable adult or adults who can play educational games, do art and crafts, are good story tellers or readers, and are gentle and caring. Your best choice would be a teacher, a camp councellor, a den mother or a girl scout troop leader, for example.
DO NOT HIRE A TEENAGER to just sit with the kids and watch TV!
Assure your guests that their children will not just be baby-sat but will have a good time.
Interview potential adult supervision candidates and find out how they plan to give the children a good, meaningful time while their parents are at the wedding, especially since the children will be of varying ages.
If you can afford it, provide an artisan such as a ballon artist to make crowns and animals, a face painter, a magician etc…
A wedding planner who also plans Bar-Bat Mitzvahs and other children’s events can help you locate such individuals. Or if your community has a pier, a promenade, an open street market or other locations where street artisans gather to show their talents, choose those that you believe will be best for your young guests and interview them. Since many street artisans work for donations, they may agree to provide their services at a reasonable price.
So, now you have a venue, and qualified supervision for your guests’ children. It is time to plan your next step.
THIRD STEP
Find out what art and craft materials you need to supply,
Decide what entertainment items will be appropriate such as a movie on VHS or DVD, etc…
Gather your needs and have them packed and ready to deliver to the Children Center at your wedding location.
Ask your caterer to suggest a kids menu. Make sure it is healthful.
If you plan the menu by yourself, stay away from too many sweets. Avoid nuts as some children are allergic to nuts. Do provide fruit, salads and how about Pizza?
FOURTH STEP
Having planned a children’s haven, you should decide how many supervising adults you need. Your best criteria should encompass:
The number of kids in attendance.
You should plan on one adult for every 10 children.
Ages of the children divided as follows:
Pre-school to 3rd graders;
4th to 6th graders;
Jr. high 7th and 8th graders.
Now that your guests children are taken care of, Enjoy your Adults Only wedding, assured that your guests will have a good time as will their children.
All of the above can be accomplished even on a tight budget of only a few hundred dollars.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself this question: “Is our DREAM WEDDING, happy and relaxed guests, combined with good will toward their children worth a few hundred dollars?”
Nily Glaser
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/please-no-kids-in-our-wedding-96762.html
try not writing "and family" on the invitation.
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i personally would just say kids ages 10 and up or something like that
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You can allow or not allow kids…you can not make exceptions for some people and not expect anyone to get mad….if you decide no kids just make sure your invites say adult ceremony and reception…otherwise people will bring thier children.
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Be specific on the invitation that you are inviting your friend and their husband/wife to the wedding. Kindly tell her that you would love them at the wedding but do to constraints of size that they leave their children at home. Its your wedding and it is up to you to decide who you want there.
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The only thing I can suggest is by addressing the invitation to just the husband and wife .
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Include a note at the bottom stating
"Live bears will be walking around performing table shows" and add a picture of a child being mauled by one.
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you could simply write "adults only, please."
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I would talk to them personally or put a seperate piece of paper in with the invite saying something along the lines of: Due to space, we must request that children (excluding our family) not be brought to the reception. This way if they cant get a babysitter they can at least come to the ceremony.. and its okay to allow close family to bring kids as they are there to celebrate with you. Hope this helps.
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address it to Mr and Mrs
most people know kids are not invited
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There is no way out for you regardless of what you say, they are going to be offended believe me, I been through this I had friends and family extremely upset with me. I called them personally and explained that this was a wedding on a boat and we didn't have security for kids, of course this was just an excuse and i explained that i really wanted them there some took it well but others not so good. Well like i said whatever way you put in expect the unexpected they might say oh yes its fine and not show up. So Good luck
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Just me
I think it's perfectly fine just to have children that are members of the family. You may have friends that oppose or don't understand, but they need to respect your request. It's your wedding day, and honestly family does take honor over friends. You shouldn't have to pay for 5 kids whom aren't even members of the family. What benefit are they getting out of attending your wedding. Children whom are members of the family should be include, because they will remember when "cousin sam" or "aunt mary" got married. Your friends may not be your friends in a few years, and you paid for some kids whom won't remember a damn thing. It' s a little harsh, I know. But weddings are expensive.
With that said, address your invites specifically to your friends and not their children. For example, "Mr and Mrs John Smith" should indicate that the husband and wife are only invited. This is opposed to "Mr and Mrs John Smith and Family" or "The Smith Family", which would indicate that all whom live in the household are invited to attend.
If you think you're friends with not understand, or pretend not to know the proper protocol; I would print at the bottom of the invitation, "Adult Reception Only."
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think about it this way…although this is your wedding and you will have it your way…if one will be excluded then i would say that it would be fair to have all of them excluded. if one parent brings their child(ren) then all will want to bring their children. children will more than likely see weddings as really boring cause their attention span is really short and all they want to do is play. not 'act all grown up'. besides the adults will want to talk to each other all day and it will be just boring for the children. if you want to include children then please consider a babysitter. the children of the parents will thank you for it. also be prepared for some of these parents to try to steal the attention from you by using their children (that is IF you choose to allow them). or you may have to call the parents of the children whom you want to come along personally and leave the 'adults only' on all of the invites.
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Here's another idea for you….
Hire a "wedding sitter". Have the venue set up an area where the children will be seated. Don't offer the regular menu to the children, find something fun that they will enjoy eating to serve (ie..pb&j, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, hot dogs) This should also cut down on the food bill (not being charged $10 a person for a 5 year old to not eat much)
After dinner, allow the children to play games, movies, and several wedding catalogs have special coloring books or you could make your own.
Hope this idea helps….and trust me once you start thinking about it, you could really run with the idea.
Good Luck
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Here's a good one…my best friend is having a reception w/ no kids….on the reply card or reception card, (whatever it's called), say "Please join us immediately following for an adult reception" ….the key word is "ADULT"….that's how she did it, and I think that it was a smart way to go about it.
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This is how to write the invitation
Mr & Mrs Smith
Most people will see this as just parents
If you want them to bring an guest
Mr/Miss Smith and guest
If you do not want them to bring a guest
Mr/Miss Smith
Most peole know it it does not say Smith family and for singles and guest who in invited to the wedding
Gool luck
Most people I know like getting out of the house dress up with out children
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Add Adults only please on the invitation.
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When you send invites out, the elite way of inviting is list those who are on the guest. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith". Everyone in that house hold usually I see is "Smith Family".
Example: Have on the invite where only the two guest are able to select what type of dinner they want. Gives no other option for other guests. You don't have to explain as it is pretty simplified that the invite states only who is invited.
Also can send a memo, if they ask, and say do the number of setting, only wedding party and close relatives/family children will be present.
A friend with 5 kids gets upset, then kindly say you are sorry but due to expense and seating, they will need to be left at home (or arranged sitting etc).
If someone brings their child anyways, I am the type of person who will excuse them from the event. I think it is rude to ignore the request and brings a insult to friendship and relationship.
That is your call to make if someone still brings their child.
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Never write "and family" on the invitation. Some people will interpret this to mean Uncle Bob, Aunt Sally, Cousin John……
The 'proper' way to address invitations is on the outer envelope:
Mr and Mrs Robert Jones
address (with Street, Avenue, North, South, etc written out)
city, state (full name written out) zip
The inner envelope should be addressed to (depending on formality and choice):
Mr and Mrs Robert Jones
-or-
Uncle Robert and Aunt Mary
-or-
Bob and Mary
All children's names should be written on the envelope, below their parents names, in order from oldest to youngest:
Mr and Mrs Robert Jones
Sue, Jane, Dave
All children over 18 should receive their own invitation even if they're living at home.
Only those listed on the invitation should be attending. If you invite only the adults and they RSVP for more than 2 you should call them and let them know that due to space you can not accommodate any extra people, regardless if the extras are children.
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How to nicely ask people not to bring kids to wedding?
It's not that I'm against having kids at my wedding but how is the best way to say, could you just leave them at home? The problem is I don't want to exclude the kids of close relatives(if they want to bring them), but I don't want to have to have friends bring their multiple kids to the wedding because we just don't have the room. For example one friend has 5 kids we really want them to come, but that is two tables just for them to come! What is the best way to handle this?
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